Relational Patterns & Connection Assessment

For each statement below, rate how true it feels for you based on your typical experience (not just one relationship):

Not at all true — This is not true for you

Slightly true — This is true for you in a small or limited way

Moderately true — This is true for you to a noticeable degree

Very true — This is highly true for you or reflects your experience consistently

Try not to overthink—go with your first, honest response.

PART 1: Early Relational Experiences (Childhood & Adolescence)

I felt safe going to caregivers when I was upset

My emotions were noticed and responded to with care

I felt understood by the important adults in my life

I felt like my needs mattered

Caregivers were predictable in how they responded to me

I knew what to expect from the people raising me

Support was available when I needed it

I didn’t feel like I had to earn love or attention

I was allowed to express difficult emotions (sadness, anger, fear)

My emotions were accepted rather than dismissed or criticized

I felt comfortable being vulnerable

I didn’t have to hide parts of myself to be accepted

I worried about losing connection with caregivers

I felt I had to take care of others emotionally

I felt alone even when others were around

I experienced unpredictability, tension, or emotional distance at home

Caregivers could be both comforting and upsetting

I felt unsure whether closeness was safe

I experienced fear, confusion, or emotional overwhelm in relationships

I learned to rely mostly on myself rather than others

PART 2: Current Relationship Patterns

I feel comfortable getting close to others

I enjoy emotional intimacy

I feel safe being known by others

I can depend on people without losing myself

I trust that people will be there for me

I don’t constantly worry about being abandoned

I believe I am worthy of love and care

I can tolerate space in relationships without panic

I worry about being rejected or abandoned

I need reassurance to feel secure

I overthink interactions or read into small changes

I feel distressed when others pull away

I prefer not to rely on others

I feel uncomfortable when people get too close

I downplay my needs or emotions

I value independence over connection

I want closeness but also feel the urge to pull away

Relationships can feel confusing or overwhelming

I experience emotional highs and lows in connection with others

I sometimes feel unsure how I truly feel about someone

PART 3: Emotional & Relational Regulation

I can soothe myself when I feel distressed

I can identify and understand my emotions

I can stay present during emotional discomfort

I don’t feel overwhelmed by my emotions

I can communicate my needs clearly

I can handle conflict without shutting down or escalating

I feel safe staying engaged during tension

I don’t lose myself trying to maintain connection

Once you’ve completed all of the questions, please provide your name and email below, then click Submit to finish.

First name and last initial